Facing Fears Can Lead To Pleasant Surprises

I'm on a newfound mission to just suck it up and face my fears.  I'm learning that fear is what stops you from moving forward.  For every time I've ever complained that I'm stuck and I can't move forward with my life, it's my own fault. I've let fear win.  Fear paralyzes you if you let it.

I'm learning not to run away from things that were "uncomfortable" or "scary" or lets face it, just plain old "insecurities" -  my new attitude it to take in on full force and with a positive attitude.

What a difference that has already made!  Not only did I face my one of my longtime fears, but it's already opened me up to potential opportunities and has tended to an old relationship that is on the path to blossom!  

Thank you God for helping me to overcome this! I look forward to this continued blessed path.

Hello Universe...Thank You!

It's been a while since I've blogged.  But you'll have to excuse me, I'm making moves!

I'm proud to say I found my new home!  The most perfect condo in the most perfect town for me.  I don't care that the seller turned my offer down.  I'm getting that condo!  I deserve it, it was meant for me!  And it's going to happen!  

I'm so grateful for the home I'm living in now and am super excited and look forward to owning my new home!  It's so exciting to walk through the stores and plan all the ways I can furnish & decorate it.  I've already found kitchen dishes, pots and pans, wall art, bedroom furniture....oh what an exciting time!

This new positive attitude is thanks to The Law Of Attraction.  I've been reading about it and I am determined to live by it!

So not only am I going to be a homeowner soon, but I've got a lot of exciting plans with friends coming up....catching up with some old clients, a conference in Atlantic City, a fun fundraiser in New York at a beautiful waterfront location, Mother's Day, an exciting bachelorette party for close friend's wedding who I'm honored to be a bridesmaid for, dinner with some old friends, brunch with some college friends and a trip to Chicago for Memorial Day weekend....and that's just in May!

I'm so blessed and grateful have so many amazing people in my life and to have so many wonderful opportunities.  If you asked me a long time ago, I would have taken that list and thought about how busy I was and how I would not have much free time and how expensive these thing would be and that would have stressed me out and have led me into negative behavior, but when I realize how amazing my life is, it changes my whole perspective on life.  Positive thinking is the way to go! Wow, I love it!

Thank you God for these blessings and for allowing me to open my eyes and realize how lucky I really am!

Love,
Me

Flexibility or Poor Discipline

I want to understand why I tend to do the complete opposite of what I say I'm going to do or say I'm not going to do????

I decided that Wednesday was going to be stress free, I was going to take one day off from the job search so I wouldn't burn out quickly.  I also decided I was going to eat healthy all day and go to the gym.

hmmmm....can you guess what I did and didn't do instead!?!? For some reason I felt the chocolate & carb rage take over me, I didn't go to the gym and oddly enough felt overly motivated to do the job search.  I know its a good trait to be flexible, but I think that I take it to the extreme.  

I've been reading/hearing more about keeping good habits and being disciplined, so maybe I'm confusing flexibility for poor discipline?  

If I were to psycho-analyze myself I think I tend to think about things TOO much and justify my actions (sometimes poor actions) in some way.  Which I guess would be poor discipline.  But since I did something else positive today, I'm can twist it to the fact that I was very flexible.

Whatever it is, it's a routine I don't want to get into.  When I say I'm going to do something for someone else, I do it and stick with it! So why can't I do this for myself....well I answered this question while looking for images.  I googled the word discipline under images and they show a picture of an obese woman showing her lack of discipline to take care of her health - this photo was in the middle of a fantastic blog by Alex Shalman: http://www.alexshalman.com/2009/07/07/a-fat-girls-struggle-with-discipline/ 

- Long Story Short -  

he summarized it as follows:

"The moral of the story is, stop complaining, stop making excuses, and make a declaration that you will not stand for being less than you can be. Start small, take action, and keep building up to bigger and better goals to create the very best version of yourself that you can dream up."

So I will not beat myself up over the poor decisions I may have made today, instead I will take this advise and start a new day tomorrow!

Focus...the new name of the game

Have you ever wanted to do so much but accomplished nothing.

I'm afraid I fell into that trap.  This whole idea of "making moves" and trying to work on so many things in my life at once is turning into one big disaster.  Stressing out is an understatement.... more like ready to snap at the next person who says the wrong thing to me.

Since that is not me nor anyone I ever want to be - I have decided to re-focus and focus on ONE thing at a time.  With all the areas in my life I'm trying to work on, I think a new job has to be first.

And here's why....

It will determine wear I buy or rent ( I can't do the crazy commute I used to do), I will be happier doing something I like which will make me feel happier which will help me to eat better and if I eat better, I will look better and feel better and if I look better and feel better I will attract more people and will have a better chance of meeting mr. right.

Sounds easy right?  Unfortunately I have that "shiny ball" syndrome.  I get so easily side-tracked and tend to switch my attention to everything but what I should be focused on.  For instance, I was so frustrated at work last week that I actually contemplated just saying the hell with it all, there's no job out there for me, I think I just want to open my own little coffee shop. The details of this coffee shop is actually quite amazing and completely different from anything out there, but then reality hit that I know absolutely nothing about owning this type of business.

So back to the drawing board for me.  First step in the re-focus,  resume completely updated and profile set up on LinkedIn.  Next step, send out resume to more than 5 companies....Headed towards one direction now....wish me luck!

Put into perspective!

I meet my friend "D"out for a v-day dinner and and we're catching up on everything from friends to work to boys to clothes and yes back to boys.  Of course I have to give her the San Diego update and we both agreed that I would wait a few days and take the non-chelont path.

Fast forward half an hour into our general conversation about everything under the sun and I back tracked big time!  I really feel that I deserve so much more from a guy and should be pursued to the max.  Somehow in mid conversation, I decide to take my phone out and delete his text.  That's it I put my foot down...He can't really want to get to know me and think that after a blasé text like that I would have a response....

...oops did I say that....well 5 minutes later, after I deleted his text, I get another text from him.  Did he know I was giving up on him....Am I being tested here???? This text says "Hope your having a great v-day!! Sorry I've been so busy:-(..." Now what do I do???

Well this was beyond me and my friend "D" - neither of us had a clue of what to do next....time to call in for re-inforcements.  Our friend "J"!!!!

"J" is queen of rational thinking....her clear-headed outside perspective is better than anyone's! If anyone knew what to do next, it would be her.  I gave her the whole story and she basically said I should do the complete opposite of what "D" and I were thinking (I guess that's why we go to her)

She said I need to really compartmentalize this.  First, he lives in San Diego and he's not my boyfriend.  While I deserve to be pursued like a princess and treated like gold, this should be with someone local.  I am still free to see and date whoever I want; and just because there's no one in the picture; is not his fault.  I should look at this as a guy who I can text or talk to hear or there and see him when he visits and vice versa.  And since his text sounded sincere to her, I should text him back tonight, not to play too many games.  Okay, this sounded pretty logical right....

Since, I'm a fan of making decisions based off of logic, and she gave a good argument, I agreed that when I got home I would text him.  Now the question that every girl agonizes is how long should I wait. Well, since I wasn't playing games, I would just respond when I got home.

Okay, I was going to play this cooly...so I responded an hour and half later (11pm my time, 8pm his)  "Hey there...Happy V-Day to you too! Been a little crazed but doing well...How are you???"  - Not bad right!

I'm sure he's going to play it cool as well, and I probably won't hear from him until tomorrow or even later, but I'll just have to be comfortable with that.

In the meantime I need to get out there more....so dating is the name of the game...Even though I haven't had much time, things are gonna change...Look out boys...here I come!

And Mr. San Diego, if it's meant to be it will be!  If not, you seem nice enough to be friends with....till we meet again!

Happy Single Awareness Day...with a side of Relief!

Well hello there....

I just heard for the first time that Valentine's Day is also called Happy Single Awareness Day...and I had to use it.  And while I'm single, I must say it feels great to not feel bitter about the day in anyway and I'll tell you why....I'm loved; I'm loved by friends and family and I'm completely fine with that.

I'll admit, I had some week moments of wishing I had a "real valentine" after watching some Hallmark specials this weekend, but overall I'm....wait a minute.....Ahhhhhh RELIEVED!  I don't have to run around an find a card with the masses of people hovering and breathing over each other trying to find those perfect words.  I'm relieved that I didn't have to rack my brain to figure out that romantic/sexy/funny whatever gift for my significant other.  I'm relieved to not feel pressured to rush to a restaurant  and and be forced to spend a fortune on mediocre mass produced food.  I'm relieved to not feel that disappointment when my significant other did not do enough to make me feel special or vice versa.  And while I'm relived to be single this year, I do wish all those lovebirds a wonderful day filled with joy!!!!  

Oddly enough, I got a text (after a week and half later from our last text) from Mr. San Diego yesterday.....really???? I'm not sure how to take this..." Hey you...Are you alive? I haven't talked to you in what feels like forever...How are you doing?"  Am I supposed to respond to this?  Really buddy, I know I said give me a call when things ease up at work, but this is taking it a little too far.  You didn't have 1 minute in the last 2 weeks to call me and this is how you contact me????  Like I said last time, I know we've never even gone out before, he's not my boyfriend, but if someone really wants to get to know you and talk to you they will make every effort.

Now my dilemma is how do I handle this?  I have not responded yet and I'm obviously in no hurry.  Here's what I'm debating:

1. Do I just delete the text all together (after all he lives in San Diego and I live in Jersey, where can this really go?
2. Do I play the game a little (for a little fun, since there's nothing else going on) - and just say sorry, been super busy and hope all is well? Again, we're not dating so why should I show any concern?
3. Do I let him know I'm annoyed and that the phone works both ways?

Hmm...what to do what to do????  Universe, please help me now!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back!

I'm certain many people feel the whole "one step forward, two steps back" scenario every now and then. Unfortunately, I think that's my life story!

So where am I in the grand scheme of things....

One Step Forward:

I decided I want to step up this blogging thing and really take an active role rather than the occasional post....so as part of the "making moves" movement, my first plan of action is to 1. post more and 2. follow other blogs more....Part inspiration/part fun! And I've come across a few good ones I'll be happy to share.

Two Steps Back:

The condo hunt is pretty much at a halt. I'm being stubborn right now because there's only been one place that I felt suitable for my life (Ahhh the gated community on a golf course...oh yea I don't golf but who cares) and of course they don't want to negotiate, which does not help my situation since I did not like anything else, especially the other locations. So yes, I'm stomping my foot and pouting a bit, but I won't settle! I've settled on too many things in my past and I'm not going there again. So what's a girl to do, but continue with my plan.....on a good note, at least I'm still saving. 

One Step Forward:

I can't forget the deal I made with myself. If I can't find the perfect place to live, then I was opening my job search avenues...which I am proud to say I did! I think I've applied for 4 jobs that I really felt interested in...one was in California, one in Boston, one in Virginia and one in New York. And the one in NY was forwarded by a friend. And being the proactive job hunter that I am, I even reached out to a FB friend who happens to be in HR somewhere out in the midwest to critique my resume.  While I'm waiting for everything to fall into place, I'm taking steps with my own job and to learn different things and create new responsibilities to make my job more interesting.

Two Steps Back:

No one responded back to me, not even my FB friend who agreed to critique my resume....hmmm you think it's that bad?????

One Step Forward/Two Steps Back:

In the romance department...I'm not sure if I should count this as One Step Forward OR Two Steps Back but my San Diego guy from New Years Eve is just not on the ball. I gave him a little leeway because of the demands of his job, but really when does a girl draw the line and gain some self respect.....I drew my line yesterday. It's hard enough to try to get something going when the two parties are living in opposite sides of the country. But when one of those parties claims he's sorry, he's just been so busy with work, that he didn't have a chance to call me. I accepted it briefly...and then common sense kicked in. 

At the end of the day, you make time for what you want to make time for in life. You may be busy, but there is always 1 minute to just say hi...can't talk but I'm thinking of you. And it's okay I'm not a priority to him....We're not in a relationship, I don't expect to be number one and I'm going out and meeting others, but there's principle here. And the principle is don't waste my time and expect me to go out of my way when your back in town next month. Actually the reality of it, is what did I really expect anyway???? How would this have worked? Even if I lived in San Diego, it's obvious that work or some other excuse would have come up. Maybe I was just being a hopeless romantic since I met him in Times Square on NYE....what girl wouldn't think of the possibility. Well this girl snapped out of Cinderella mode and deleted his number and all his texts from my phone. (Let's face it, ifI didn't, there would have been a slight chance of drunk dialing/texting). So se la vie, ciao, a rive derci San Diego. I have to close this door completely so that another may open. And even though that dreaded Valentine's Day is approaching, I will continue to move forward.

One Step Forward/Two Steps Back:

So as far as my health/diet go, I'm not sure about this either. This can count as both. Unfortunately my gym isn't offering personal training sessions at the discounted price I originally bought them for, so my ridiculous self decided to take a stand and join another gym completely. This doesn't necessary help me in anyway, but I wanted a change of scenery anyway. This new gym offers group classes as part of the membership, and even though I have two left feet, I felt good about making this move. I shouldn't have to depend on one person to help me (even though my trainer was excellent, I depended on him only and never took the initiative to do any of his workouts on my own). Here's the downfall...no matter what workout I do, if I don't get my diet under control I'm screwed...I have PMS cravings that take over my mind and body that nobody can stop....Chocolate & Carbs are my weakness and I give into them every time....Add the beers and delish food from Superbowl and I'm back to square one from everything I lost....ugh!!!! And this weekly weighing in is not fun...Back to the grind again.....

....and off to make more moves.....

Patience....I need some!

I must admit, now that I've had this awakening and I'm ready to make moves, I'm moving at a snail's pace and not really happy about it.  Let's just say patience is not my greatest virtue, a trend I fear will come up in these posts more often than not.

Lets see now...we left off with condo shopping.  Yes, I've been shopping around and I'm already frustrated because I can't find anything as good as the condo I made the last offer on (keep in mind, it's only been 2 or 3 weeks) and yes I realize that's not a long time, but like I said patience is not my greatest virtue.  The fact that I'm beyond ready to move out of my parents house is not helping the situation. I really do want to make sure that I make the right decision and not just buy something to get out.  So I realize I have to just get over it and take it one step at a time and keep looking.  Something will be perfect for me....right?!?!

Next the resume....moving slower than the condo hunt.  Yes, I've tweaked it but it's still not ready to be sent out. There is one section I want to include about being social media savvy, but I'm still working on my social media savvyness.  On a good note, I've gone to 2 seminars, and been given the authority to be my company's "webmaster" for lack of a better word and work on our Facebook page....I'm not gonna lie, now that I have the ability, I still have not done anything with it yet.  As I type this, I realize how stupid I've been, because I have the opportunity here and I'm wasting away on silly things, like updating my Itunes library, although, now that I think about it,  I could probably count towards my social media savvyness.  Regardless, I have to master these skills so I can put it on my resume so that I'm prepared to talk about my qualifications right.  So I'm officially making this my "kick in the pants" and re re focusing!

Lets see, what do we have next....oh yea the weight thing.  Okay, I've made some progress here, SLOWLY (patience patience patience) - the director from the weightloss center has offered me (once I actually lose the weight) the opportunity to be a counselor and to help others with their weight loss struggles.  I have to admit, I was really excited and it gave me that extra motivation to work on myself knowing that I could one day help someone through the struggles I've experienced and overcome.  So I'm going to continue working on hard and focusing on the the end result!

Hmmm, I guess the next topic would be the boy....situation is still the same, he's still on the other side of the country and we're still talking....again my patience is being tested here.  It would be so much easier if I got to see him, but maybe this is the way its meant to be. I can't complain, it's nice talking to him on the phone and getting to know the real him, without letting looks get in the way...its 100% personality here and he's got it. I have to just go with the flow here.  After all they say that good things come to those who wait....well I'm waiting patiently!

The Awakening

The awakening is definitely what I would call this. I woke up and realized my life was at a stand still and decided this is the time to do a "life overhaul".  That's right, every aspect of my life needs to be rejuvenated. I'm talking about the biggies that everyone wants....true love, that dream job, home ownership, enough money in savings, a healthy weight and of course lets not forget inner peace.  If I missed anything along the way, I'll be sure to add it to the list, but I think you get the gist.

So where do I begin....I guess a little background would help.  

I'm 34 years old, intelligent, beautiful (inside and out, or so my friends tell me) with an outgoing personality and confidence that I've recently regained.  Now someone would wonder, how does one lose their confidence....all it takes is one bad seed and that bad seed was my ex-husband. I once allowed this bad seed to set me back in life, but those days are over.  I've regained myself to the person I once was before meeting him and am ready to make some moves.  

I've had a good two years to get myself back to "normal".  I purposely didn't date because I wasn't ready and felt uncomfortable getting out there since I gained about 40 pounds from stress and depression. I've moved back with my parents to save some money, and have stayed at the same boring job just because 1. I was lucky to have a job and 2. as the expression goes "I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up"

Essentially I was starting over.  

Within the first year of my divorce, I was slowly getting myself together again.  By the 2nd year, I decided to take a little more control of the situation and thought of this so called brilliant idea. I decided 2010 would be the year I resolved to do one new thing everyday....yes everyday for the whole year! And I'm happy to say I DID IT!  While there were some amazing things that gave me great joy and satisfaction like Yoga, Italy, Rock Climbing, Concerts, and running into the cold ocean for the Polar Bear Plunge, there were also some desperate times where it came down to a new flavor coffee or hand lotion.

This 2010 resolution of doing something new has actually changed my life.  It made me try things I never would have tried under normal circumstances.  You see, in life, we tend to make excuses that were too busy, don't have money or have a fear or whatever....at the end of the day there is always opportunity to try something new, and that something can lead to other great things.  I really only did this because I wanted to get back on Facebook to network for a new job and thought this would be a good way.  This didn't work out exactly like I planned, but it helped me to communicate with those I wouldn't normally which in turn actually created friendships. So I guess it exceeded my expectations even though I did not accomplish my initial intention.  I also thought I needed to be more spontaneous and get myself out of a general "routine" - this mission was definitely accomplished!

So this is all fine and dandy and it took my best friend to point out to me - "What you did is great but you focussed so much on the everyday that you lost sight of the big picture" - She was absolutely right.  I remember stressing myself out some nights on what new thing I was going to try, I forgot about the big picture.....so here I am,  January of 2011 and I am still living with my parents, still heavier than I want to be, still at the same job and still single.  

So here we go ladies and gentleman, I'm tired of standing still....so I'm making moves!!!!  This is my "Big Picture" year.  Not a resolution, but just a re-focus.  

I'm happy to say, I've begun making moves and it started on New Years Eve! I met someone in the middle of Times Square.  Talk about a great start!  Now don't get ahead of yourself, while exciting, this is all still new and of course cannot be rushed.  Who knows if this will go anywhere.  All I know is that he seems nice so far, but it's still early and we have to get to know each other more.  Just one slight problem, he lives across the country on the west coast. So this will be a slow process and not exactly what I had planned, but I'm going to go along with it and see what happens.  You never know, right?

Another move I finally made,  is that I finally saved up enough money to buy a condo.  I've been looking for about a month or so ago and actually made an offer, however negotiations didn't work and I took a break for the holidays. I started looking again, and while I haven't fallen in love with anything yet, I'm just glad I'm back in the game... and still saving in the meantime.

The next biggie on my list was the job hunt.  I've got the resume revamped and ready to be sent it out.  Not only am I ready to send it out, but I've got a back up plan incase the condo thing doesn't work out. What if I'm limiting myself and am not meant to live here? So the back up plan is to send out the resume nationwide rather than my state and surrounding metro areas.  If it means getting my "dream job" whatever it may be, I'll suck it up and rent somewhere until I'm sure I want to buy out of state.

Lastly on the biggie list is my physical & mental health.  I signed up with a diet and nutrition center (before the holidays so that doesn't count...I'm in start over mode). So the plan is in motion and once the weight comes off I'll mentally feel better too.  I'm not obese, I'm just not where I want or should be and want to make this improvement in a healthy manner.  I'm exercising too, but my diet is what kills me.  I've got  a sweet tooth that gets the best of me every time, but I'm working on this.

WOW, that's a lot of information, but I think we're all caught up right now.  So here's to making moves...wish me luck!